Vibe Coder Energy Drink

Product Description

Vibe Coder Energy is the official beverage of developers who code with their heart, not their brain. Formulated specifically for the "it works on my machine" development philosophy, this neon-colored energy drink bypasses your logical thinking centers and goes straight to your confidence glands. 🧪 The Formula: Each 16oz can contains: • 500mg of Dunning-Kruger Caffeine™ • Artificial confidence sweeteners • Zero debugging compounds • 200% daily value of "ship it" mentality • Traces of imposter syndrome suppressants • Natural vibe enhancers (don't ask) • Code review resistance factors ⚡ Flavors Available: Ship It Cherry (Red Can): "Deploy first, apologize later" • Tastes like pushing to main on Friday • Notes of merge conflict resolution • Finish: "We'll fix it in prod" • Recommended for: 11pm deployments LGTM Lime (Green Can): "Looks good to me, didn't read the code" • Crisp taste of auto-approved PRs • Undertones of rubber-stamp reviews • Finish: "LGTM 🚀" • Recommended for: Speed-running code reviews Merge Conflict Mango (Orange Can): "HEAD >>> YOURS" • Tropical chaos in a can • Notes of git stash gone wrong • Finish: "I'll just accept both changes" • Recommended for: When you've been rebasing for 3 hours NEW FLAVORS (Limited Edition): Undefined Berry Blast (Purple Can): • Tastes different every time you drink it • Flavor type: undefined • Pairs well with: loose equality comparisons NaN-ana (Yellow Can): • Not actually a number, but definitely a banana • NaN === NaN returns false, but NaN flavor === delicious • For developers who don't understand why NaN !== NaN Callback Hell Cola (Black Can): • Contains nested flavor callbacks up to 15 levels deep • Get lost in the delicious asynchronous taste • May or may not resolve (flavor is a Promise) 📊 Nutritional Facts (Per Can): Vibes: 9000% Logic: 0g Debugging Calories: 0 Confidence: OVER 9000 Sleep Tonight: No Comments in Code Tomorrow: Also No Tests Written: What tests? Documentation: lmao 💪 Effects: Within 10 Minutes: • Sudden urge to start a new project • Previous project abandoned • npm init executed Within 30 Minutes: • Confident you can build Twitter in a weekend • Installing 847 npm packages • "I'll add tests later" Within 1 Hour: • Full stack developer energy • "10x developer" mindset activated • Considering cryptocurrency integration Within 2 Hours: • Production deployment initiated • Zero tests run • "YOLO" as commit message Next Morning: • 47 Slack messages from on-call • "Why did you deploy at 2am?" • Vibe Coder Energy: worth it 🏆 Testimonials: "I shipped 47 features last week. None of them work but the PM is thrilled." — 10x Vibe Developer "Ever since I started drinking this, I've stopped writing tests entirely. My velocity is through the roof!" — Former QA Engineer (emphasis on former) "I drank three cans and deployed our machine learning model. It's just if/else statements but investors don't know that." — AI Startup Founder "My code doesn't compile but my confidence does." — Vibe Coder Energy Enthusiast "I used to spend hours debugging. Now I just refresh until it works." — Senior Vibe Engineer ⚠️ Warning Labels: GOVERNMENT WARNING: • (1) Do not operate production systems while under the influence of Vibe Coder Energy • (2) May cause overconfidence in code you don't understand • (3) Side effects include: spontaneous npm publishing, midnight deploys, and calling yourself a "full stack developer" after one React tutorial • (4) Not a substitute for actual programming knowledge Additional Warnings: • May contain trace amounts of hope • Not FDA approved (they don't understand vibes) • Code written under influence may not survive peer review • If your build fails for more than 4 hours, consult a senior developer • Keep away from production environments (but you won't) • This product does not teach you to code (but it makes you feel like it does) • ShipIt Beverages is not responsible for: - Spaghetti code - Technical debt - That one regex you wrote at 3am - Your startup's failure - The senior dev's disappointment 📦 Available In: • Single Can ($3.99) - "I'm just trying it" • 4-Pack ($12.99) - "This is my new thing" • 12-Pack ($29.99) - "I have a problem and I love it" • 24-Pack ($49.99) - "Sleep is deprecated" • Subscribe & Ship ($39.99/month) - Auto-deploys to your door • Enterprise License (Contact Sales) - For companies that want to institutionalize vibes 🎁 Bundle Deals: • Vibe Coder Starter Kit: 4 cans + rubber duck + "Works on My Machine" certificate • All-Nighter Bundle: 12 cans + eye drops + excuses for tomorrow's standup • Founder Special: 24 cans + investor pitch deck template + therapist referral Perfect Pairing: • Best served cold during hot deploys • Pairs well with: Stack Overflow, copied code, and overconfidence • Do not mix with: unit tests, code reviews, or thinking Slogan Options (we couldn't decide): • "Vibe Coder: Ship First, Debug Never™" • "Vibe Coder: Because Tests Are Just Suggestions™" • "Vibe Coder: Code Like No One's Reviewing™" • "Vibe Coder: Turn Your Anxiety Into Velocity™" Remember: Every great product was shipped by someone who had no idea what they were doing. Vibe Coder Energy just helps you do it faster and with more confidence. Caffeine Content: 500mg (the vibes are free) Return Policy: No refunds, only pivots