ClippyCorp™ Compliance Companion

Product Description

Introducing ClippyCorp™ Compliance Companion—the always-on desktop device that ensures you never forget your corporate obligations. This sleek cube features a small e-ink display, a soothing corporate-blue LED ring, and an uncanny ability to sense when you're relaxed. 🔔 Randomized Compliance Alerts Periodically emits chirpy reminders pulled from a database of meaningless corporate jargon: • "Reminder: You haven't acknowledged the new Data Hygiene Protocol." • "Your quarterly synergy report is 12% behind schedule." • "Please confirm you've read the updated Slack Etiquette Manifesto." 📅 Schedule Anxiety Mode Connects to your calendar and gently panics on your behalf. Displays helpful countdowns like "3 meetings in 2 hours. Have you prepared?" 👔 HR Whisperer Occasionally flashes "We need to talk" with absolutely no context. Keeps you on your toes. 🔗 Bluetooth Guilt Sync Connects to your task manager and sends vague nudges like "Still working on that, huh?" and "Others have completed similar tasks 47% faster." Display shows "COMPLIANCE STATUS: UNCLEAR" by default. Available Variants: • ClippyCorp™ Junior ($199.99) - For interns. Hourly "team spirit alignment" reminders. • ClippyCorp™ Enterprise ($899.99) - Multi-user guilt broadcasting across Slack, Teams, and email. Executive Edition includes brushed aluminum casing and passive-aggressive voice assistant named Janice. Remember: Morale is optional. Compliance is mandatory.