Git Blame Redirector

Product Description

The Git Blame Redirector by NotMyFault is a revolutionary USB device that modifies your git history to make literally anyone else responsible for your code. Because sometimes the best debugging is plausible deniability. How It Works: • Plugs into your USB port • Intercepts git commits before they're pushed • Randomly reassigns authorship to other team members • Generates convincing commit metadata • Maintains plausible deniability through quantum uncertainty Core Features: • Automatic Blame Redistribution™ • Commit Author Randomizer (weighted toward senior devs) • Timestamp Fuzzing (makes it look old, therefore not your problem) • Email Spoofing (commits appear from colleagues' addresses) • Git config override (changes your identity per commit) Advanced Modes: • Equal Distribution: Spreads your sins evenly across the team • Senior Dev Mode: Only blames people with "Senior" in their title • Intern Shield: Never blames interns (they have enough problems) • Manager Targeting: Every commit is from your manager • Chaos Mode: Including people who left the company 3 years ago Smart Blame Algorithms: • Bug Pattern Detection: Assigns bugs to people who aren't on vacation • Critical Bugs: Blames whoever committed most recently (deflection) • Weekend Commits: Attributes to the most workaholic coworker • Production Hotfixes: Randomly selects from currently online teammates • Refactoring: Credits to the person who wrote the original (ironic justice) Integration Features: • Slack Integration: Sends fake "pushed to main" notifications from others • Jira Sync: Updates tickets with random assignees • GitHub Copilot Spoofing: Makes it look like AI wrote your bugs • Pair Programming Mode: Blames both people in the pair • Code Review Bypass: Attributes blame to whoever approved the PR Automatic Alibi Generator: • Creates fake commit messages in colleagues' writing styles • Generates believable excuses: "Quick fix", "Whoops", "WIP" • Matches commit times to others' typical working hours • Adds realistic typos in commit messages • Occasionally adds: "Fixing [coworker]'s previous commit" Safety Features: • Never blames the CTO (career preservation) • Avoids blaming people during their PTO (suspicious) • Skips HR and legal team members (self-preservation) • Blacklist functionality (protect your friends) • Whitelist functionality (target your enemies) ⚠️ Legal Disclaimers: • NotMyFault Corp is not responsible for: - Angry coworkers - HR investigations - Termination for fraud - Identity theft charges - Your deteriorating relationships - That one time you blamed the CEO • Do not use on open source projects (public git history is public) • Warranty void if detected • Evidence may be used against you Technical Specifications: • Compatibility: Git, Mercurial, SVN (people still use SVN??) • Memory: Stores up to 10,000 fake identities • Processing Speed: Real-time blame redirection • Stealth Mode: Undetectable unless someone actually reads git history (unlikely) Common Use Cases: • "This breaking change? Wasn't me." • "Check git blame, clearly Dave's code." • "I didn't write that hack, must have been during the merge." • "Syntax error on line 47? That's definitely Sarah's style." • "The security vulnerability? Been there since before I joined." Includes: • USB-C cable (for modern blame shifting) • Coworker Database Template (50 fake identities included) • "I was on vacation" calendar integration • Emergency "revert to real history" panic button • Legal defense fund contribution form Remember: git history is immutable... unless you have the Git Blame Redirector! Note: Does not actually work with protected branches, signed commits, or basic forensics. But by the time they figure it out, you'll have blamed someone else for buying this device.