Useless.io
The world's premier destination for products you definitely don't need. Shop with confidence knowing you'll receive absolutely nothing of value.
Featured Products
Hand-picked for maximum uselessness
Self-Aware Toaster 3000
It has opinions about your breakfast
Rubber Duck Ultra Pro
It listens. It judges. It suggests console.log.
StackOverflow Candle
Smells like copied code and desperation
node_modules Storage Crate
Industrial strength for industrial bloat
Auto-LGTM Glasses
Everything looks good to merge
Git Blame Redirector
Assigns your commits elsewhere
Context Window USB
More RGB = More Tokens (allegedly)
Opus Thinking Stone
Thinks deeply. Costs more. Worth the wait.
ClippyCorp™ Companion
Your productivity is our KPI
The "K" Watch
Auto-replies 'k' to long texts
ComplianceMouse™
Stay green. Stay compliant. Stay employed.
Meeting Escape Band
Generates fake urgent calls on command
Kinetic Crypto Watch
Mine crypto through arm movement
WiFi-Enabled Rock
A rock. With WiFi. You're welcome.
Quantum Uncertainty Dice
Shows all numbers until observed
Procrastination Timer
Tracks how long you've been avoiding work
Self-Aware Toaster 3000
It has opinions about your breakfast
Rubber Duck Ultra Pro
It listens. It judges. It suggests console.log.
StackOverflow Candle
Smells like copied code and desperation
node_modules Storage Crate
Industrial strength for industrial bloat
Auto-LGTM Glasses
Everything looks good to merge
Git Blame Redirector
Assigns your commits elsewhere
Context Window USB
More RGB = More Tokens (allegedly)
Opus Thinking Stone
Thinks deeply. Costs more. Worth the wait.
ClippyCorp™ Companion
Your productivity is our KPI
The "K" Watch
Auto-replies 'k' to long texts
ComplianceMouse™
Stay green. Stay compliant. Stay employed.
Meeting Escape Band
Generates fake urgent calls on command
Kinetic Crypto Watch
Mine crypto through arm movement
WiFi-Enabled Rock
A rock. With WiFi. You're welcome.
Quantum Uncertainty Dice
Shows all numbers until observed
Procrastination Timer
Tracks how long you've been avoiding work
Procrastination Timer
Tracks how long you've been avoiding work
Quantum Uncertainty Dice
Shows all numbers until observed
WiFi-Enabled Rock
A rock. With WiFi. You're welcome.
Kinetic Crypto Watch
Mine crypto through arm movement
Meeting Escape Band
Generates fake urgent calls on command
ComplianceMouse™
Stay green. Stay compliant. Stay employed.
The "K" Watch
Auto-replies 'k' to long texts
ClippyCorp™ Companion
Your productivity is our KPI
Opus Thinking Stone
Thinks deeply. Costs more. Worth the wait.
Context Window USB
More RGB = More Tokens (allegedly)
Git Blame Redirector
Assigns your commits elsewhere
Auto-LGTM Glasses
Everything looks good to merge
node_modules Storage Crate
Industrial strength for industrial bloat
StackOverflow Candle
Smells like copied code and desperation
Rubber Duck Ultra Pro
It listens. It judges. It suggests console.log.
Self-Aware Toaster 3000
It has opinions about your breakfast
Procrastination Timer
Tracks how long you've been avoiding work
Quantum Uncertainty Dice
Shows all numbers until observed
WiFi-Enabled Rock
A rock. With WiFi. You're welcome.
Kinetic Crypto Watch
Mine crypto through arm movement
Meeting Escape Band
Generates fake urgent calls on command
ComplianceMouse™
Stay green. Stay compliant. Stay employed.
The "K" Watch
Auto-replies 'k' to long texts
ClippyCorp™ Companion
Your productivity is our KPI
Opus Thinking Stone
Thinks deeply. Costs more. Worth the wait.
Context Window USB
More RGB = More Tokens (allegedly)
Git Blame Redirector
Assigns your commits elsewhere
Auto-LGTM Glasses
Everything looks good to merge
node_modules Storage Crate
Industrial strength for industrial bloat
StackOverflow Candle
Smells like copied code and desperation
Rubber Duck Ultra Pro
It listens. It judges. It suggests console.log.
Self-Aware Toaster 3000
It has opinions about your breakfast
What Our Customers Say
Real reviews from real people with questionable judgment
"I've never felt more accomplished doing absolutely nothing. The product exceeded my lowest expectations."
Free UselessBucks
Every account starts with $1,000 in play money. Spend freely!
Verified Useless
Every product is certified 100% unnecessary by experts.
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